So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Randomize