Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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