I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
