P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
