forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
