Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
