??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
