dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Randomize
