They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
