I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
