I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
should my penis look like a turkey
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
