Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
