But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
