So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize