Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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