The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
