Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
