your parents love me but you hate me
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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