On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize