FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
