This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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