Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
