I'm going to jail i love you
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
