"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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