I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
