I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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