ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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