SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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