why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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