im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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