I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
farters have to be the big spoon...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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