1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
