Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
