Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
