I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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