I'm passing your future prison.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
