i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
