Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
