I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
