My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
