Whatcha textin bout Willis?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
