Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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