if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize