so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
