White coat. Heels.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
