eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
