I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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