Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
