I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
