this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
