I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
