I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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