so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
