Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
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