So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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