Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
