people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
