i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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