Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
