May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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