If i come over, it means nothing
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
