Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He's on the porch naked. Help.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
