I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
