My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
