and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
