just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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