His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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