peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
