Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
