Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
oh god the rape fog is back!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
