Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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