Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
