Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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