he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
