TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
