I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
